Expanding

He was late. It was typical. No one said anything but they all thought it. He came in the door ready to pick a fight. Also typical. No one wanted to oblige him. The furniture was mildly abused. He picked his way through the crowd until he found the woman he was looking for. That’s when the real trouble began.

The above passage is an example of  writing that says little. We begin with a pronoun. Who is he? The reader doesn’t know. Poor form. Never begin generically. So, let’s give “he” a name. Andy. Now, Andy was late is passive structure and again pretty generic. It’s followed by the bit of information that it was typical of him. So, perhaps you could rid yourself of one by saying; Typically, Andy was late. This way you’re down to one passive sentence. Or you can banish the passive voice entirely by saying; Typically, Andy sauntered in ten minutes late. Now, we’ve given the reader specifics: ten minutes, and a strong verb replaces was. Sauntered also, indicates a lack of concern for rules of polite society like being on time.

Rewrite the rest of the paragraph doing what I have done here. Trying to replace weak passive structure and insterting specific details where they are lacking.  This is the assigned blog entry this week.

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